It says.

Well I renewed my site for another three years after coming very close to letting it go. Almost 20 years of content, some funny, some quizzes, some music, poems, writing, almost everything about my life, from the deepest lows to some very nice peaks.

What is this post all about? well nothing, Ah, I can constantly feel like bursting into tears yet my tear reservoirs are empty. I tried hard over the years. I think I have never posted about the family law courts I had to go through in 2002 – 2003, ah CSA here. After all this time I have decided to write about various ‘things’ of which I hoped I would never need to. I no longer have the documents as they were left at my repossessed house in 2010 and bankruptcy.

As mentioned elsewhere I ended up seriously ill with Sarcoidosis, probably brought on simply with my life of stresses, anxiety and depression, especially brought on by various court appearances.

Since 2010 (2002 with my true friends of Baildon) I have had alot of help with various friends and also the ex forces charities The Royal British Legion and Ssafa, I have massive thanks to all. Why am I harping on? Recent diagnoses have been ADHD at a top end of that spectrum with a hint of Autism though mustn’t forget the Tourette’s (as I have blurted shite out all my life), erm ,other things I have PTSD from various things of my childhood compounded with the collapse of my marriage or rather how it collapsed.

I have to be clear here as quite a few things have been mentioned about me over the years, even recently. To clear this up; I divorced my ex wife on the grounds of adultery with (named excuse of a human being). You see, the ultimate sin of infidelity – lots of it, brought on this divorce, she was seen out by numerous folks including friends of mine, with various men and so called friends of ours; Im at home baby sitting worried sick with the late nights of hers. My friends, they would actually phone and message me to see if Im ok yet I did not know why they were doing this?

Imaging, once I came home from work and another “male” is sat on the settee, quilt on the floor with my sons in bed, urrggghhhh.

Me, being far from perfect, it is on record of Domestic Abuse against me. She would kick and punch me and when “our” young sons witnessed this I would turn it into a play fight, she threw boiling water on me, another time I had to go to hospital with a injured leg. Damaged brain certainly, there is more, an awful lot more, though some of it is disgusting only medics, counsellors and good friends know, and nope, I never kicked or punched her.

Trying not to shake typing. Ah yes, the PTSD also relates to the abuse she gave me and having to go through the family law courts (much more on that in future posts), I have never got over it, it has caused problems with potential relationships, as I no longer trust humans.

Why say all this now? As mentioned, I hoped never to actually write about this yet as we get older there are various events that occur through children and their relationships, child birth and marriage. My anxiety gets worse as I get older and because of this, I think it is causing some damage between myself and my sons relationship.

Clearly things have been said about me that just are not true, I hope this clears some things up? I would love to meet an understanding honest truthful trusting woman, just someone nice.

Above all, I love my sons always.

Just facts, not lies. Should I stand firm as I expect more…

18th August 2025, after various dreams and thoughts I’m toying with an idea called forgiveness.

25th August 2025, I don’t think I can.