Be Careful What You Wish For.

Waving wildly from her car I returned it with my left hand.

Where had she been? I haven’t seen her since she was standing, looking at an over loaded bee on the ground. if only I had a spoon, warm water and some honey.

But where is the dog? Ah yes, as she drove on by we both smiled, maybe one day I should ask what the dogs name is.

A robin lands nearby, should I stop and close my eyes? A short wish for something that wont happen, oh crikey there goes a magpie!

Closed eyes ‘I wish I hadn’t seen that magpie’ and upon opening my eyes…

Two magpies fly on by.

Joy.

Trying to explain cpap?

Few years ago I started to stop breathing during the night, many folks do but it is usually blamed on being overweight, especially obese. When I started being ill and finally diagnosed as being a sarcoid in 2010 my weight had dropped to about 8st and in kilograms it’s something else, I was put on prednisolone (Steroids, still am) and later azathioprine (chemotherapy, still am). At my peak I was on 40mg/day pred, this was for about two months. In that time I should have got massive yet I didn’t but I did get up to the weight of now which is about 85k and in stones it’s something else.

That weight is over the advised but my bloods are now the best since 2010, though overweight I should have been massive, obviously this points to the sarcoidosis being active, very active. So, my night time breathing became a problem. It now needs cleaning and filtered but the cpap stopped the breathing difficulties. What has started happening, I feel like my body powers down then next thing I’m wide awake bouncing around on my bed, after what feels like a shock. I think my heart has started to stop beating during the night, something electrical? gets it going again, it really is an immense experience and to be honest it does not scare me.

I will book into the doctors even though I start at the Harrogate hospital on June 12th 2018. It’s more than probable that at 53 years of age yet living in an old body is the reason. For the past few years I have been seeing the number 53, I’m 54 on July 27th, it’s getting close…

A cpap.

cpap

And what I think about seeing the light, ha.

Up you

Armoured Street Patrol Vehicles

Well, I mentioned this a very long time ago, to a few. When I first learned about the amount of armoured street patrol vehicles (not tanks!), it was about 500. Unfortunately I just can not find my information from back then so.

The first report below here mentions up to 600 of these vehicles, to ensure national security. This stuff just keeps getting ignored, it is available to find but folks are simply ignoring this massive model of looking after the homelands?! For me that doesn’t take much working out. Oh, the link…

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/nato-summit-army-set-to-sign-35bn-deal-for-nearly-600-armoured-vehicles-as-cameron-looks-to-ensure-9708772.html

Ahhh you think eh, but within a short period of years the armoured street patrol vehicles order is now climbing (why?!). Why is this not being reported mainstream? Yet again I have my opinions. For me you see the happy clapping tree hugging do gooder and relatively wealthy lot’s are out of touch in their nice out of touch bubbles.

A tangent but I have decided not to vote again, I’m usually a Labour ‘fan’ but they no longer represent me, myself and I. I voted to leave the EU and I still would, I’ve wanted out since 1984. My patience is diminished with politically correct lovely’s but I do not hate them, I do not hate anyone apart from child abusers of any form from anywhere. Oh, the latest order for armoured street patrol vehicles, yep it’s now about 800…

https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/904111/mod-order-german-armoured-vehicles-uk-jobs-at-risk

Make what you think of it but folks are fed up of the fascist environment that the United Kingdom has become, not left, not right – it’s you lot wanting everything your own way, you controlling lot well, you’re all the same.

Things arrive in three’s?

That old saying isn’t it. So, of late most of my post’s have been quite negative, I really can not help that, I would prefer some Stuart madness and have folks laughing their teeth out…

June see’s the start to the roll out of Universal Credit in my district, though in principle I do agree with having certain benefits combined, to give those in need, some kind of responsibility, it is a bind that in June my Personal Independence Payment is also being reassessed. Again, I did not expect this until next year but I have now learned the reassessment arrives about one year before the current award is due to finish and so that I also understand.

Also in June, I start my appointments to treatments at Harrogate hospitals, think I’ve mentioned somewhere else Bradford NHS trust was first used, then Airedale NHS trust and now Harrogate is to be tried to get another opinion for my Sarcoidosis body.

Three pretty dammed difficult stresses starting in the same month.

And so, moving on.

I’m shitting myself.

A Sarcoids Timescale – ish…

I’m really glad that sometimes folks do actually ask me about Sarcoidosis, though I think I’ve never mentioned the erm, so-called timescales, let me try…

Up to six months is usually diagnosis and for most who get this shit it leaves within about this period of time.

Up to 12 months, by now some pretty strong drugs are being given, usually started by massive dosages followed by slow reduction.

Up to 24 months, the drugs usually work and the body adjusts back to some kind of normality but, damage by the sarcoid remains.

Up to 5 years, this is a tough one as by now the ‘sarcoid’ has fallen into a period of ‘the medics really do not know what to do’ and that is not their fault. Sarcoidosis is very rare, especially after this distance of time. More drugs are tried, including chemotherapy types.

Up to 8 years, the drugs are as bad as the sarcoidosis, especially if, whats the point.

Up to 10 years, not alot is known but sarcoids can and do live beyond this timescale.

Up to erm, haven’t a fucking clue.

The mind games are bonkers, drugs are taken to try help with that. The mind say’s you can do something but you just can’t, but try indeed.

Sarcoidosis, it isn’t a battle to conquer it, we hope it simply fucks off, as it can but, the body remains damaged and does not recover, partly due to the long term usage of drugs.

My beard is getting shorter, that’s been mentioned a few times but, I will carry on writing about sarcoidosis as not many do, especially after so long.

I’ve changed alot since the below video, now a very old 53 years of age and tired.

Fuck it!!!

Election May 3rd 2018

For the first time since I can remember I did not vote. I’m disillusioned with politics and need to get away from it all. I’m not into the wings of left or right etc. I’m simply somewhere down the middle and as it stands no one party represents my views’ I would usually vote Labour but they have gone too extreme for my liking and obviously I would not vote for the chaos that are the Tory party.

In all honesty I might well not vote again – not through death! I do not see anything on the horizon worth looking forward to, a new party perhaps? I voted to leave the EU as I have wanted out since 1984 and would still vote leave, the writing on that bus did not make any difference to my thoughts. As for the BBC phew, It is still my favourite channel but the biased news programs against Brexit are amazing. The amount of “bull” they give Donald Trump is unreal and Diane Abbott thinks she has it bad, I can not vote for Labour while she is also on the front bench even though she has had health issues.

A strong leader is required and I can not see one arriving anytime soon in this Political Correctness world we are ever more living in, especially the United Kingdom.

Politics, I’m done with but will still view various news…

Brilliant

My Tweets…

For some reason I feel the need to say erm… I believe in freedom of speech – providing no hatred or violence gets involved. Numerous posts could be done on here daily, on here isn’t twitter. Like a very many I’m getting fed up of thinking will this post upset so and so. From this point on I’ve already typed and deleted how best to say; if I upset you it isn’t personal.

I did, did I…

I did things that were wrong.
I did those with total regret.
I did things as shown.
I did things for a bet.

I did things I knew were wrong.
I did things I thought were right.
I did things through experience.
I did those without a fight

I did things.

As I get older forever beating him up.
As he gets older I realise now.
As I get older he would love to change.
As he gets older and thinking how.

His life cant be changed its how it is?
His life knows what he really should.
His life simply wants to say sorry.
His life has been bonkers with some good.

Sorry to who.
Just the two.

When did it start?

27th July 1964.

Be patient, I’m going to start memoirs, actually, many have been typed on here yet a very lot more to come. I will go through my site and tag those writings as such that do include my life. Could make a good book!

Two wonderful people either side of me here…

Proud

Memoirs could help me sort some of this out…

How Many Jobs Has He Had…?

Yes that is incredibly tough to work out but here I try and in order! phew…

1980 – Left school at 15, too young for the dole.
1980 – Bradford Hauliers, vehicle mechanical yts shit.
1980 – Stephensons, metal wire operative yts shit.
1981 – J Clark engineering, machine operative, not shit, some nice folks.
1981 – Wileys cycles & toys, mechanic/sales person, loved it, brilliant owner.
1983 – RAF, painter & finisher (panel beater etc.), great friends. PVR’d.
1985 – Dole.
1985 – (Name?) Roller shutter installation, labourer. Shit.
1985 – Jade cycles, mechanic & sales, good-stole loads of cash & components.
1986 – Dole.
1986 – Maxicuts shop, general mug.
1986 – Cardinal shop fitters, shop-floor operative shit but met a good guy.
1987 – Hallfield garage, panel beater/sprayer, set of cunts.
1987 – Dole.
1987 – Metalbox engineering, stores/labourer, loved it, left because-ask…
1989 – Denso/marston radiators, machine operator, totally shit.
1990 – George Barker, refrigeration assembler, nice job, too many cunts.
1994 – Schwitzer Europe Ltd, machine operator, superb job then bad shifts.
1998 – AETC Ltd, setter/operator, super job, then supervisor/improvements.
2000 – Hurel-Dubois, cell manager, absolutely loved it, best job ever.

It’s a total shame, my personal life changed to being totally fucked up. Thinking I could have been very good there but life eh. Met a best friend ever though.

2002 – Reiter automotive, shift manager, enjoyed but I was fucked.
2003 – Dole.
2003 – Plumber, thankfully a couple of very good friends took me on.
2003 – Started performing with bands, many gigs.
2004 – Plumber/joiner/electrics/carpet fitter. Thank fuck for them.
2006 – Reached fourth year of plumbing (gas) but construction crashed.
2006 – Many gigs, with backing tracks solo, kept with bands. Solo was shit.
2007 – Hindle gears, machine setter/operator, it was OK.
2007 – Can’t remember company name? Machine setter/operator, shit.
2008 – Birkby’s plastics, Improvements engineer, they wouldn’t listen.
2008 – AETC Ltd, machine setter/operator, loved it, started feeling ill.
2009 – Metalbox engineering, progress chasing, very good but bad mind.
2009 – 600 Lathes, Shift manager/improvements, OK but even worse mind.
2009 – Dole.

New direction as I thought it was the previous jobs starting to make me ill.

2009 – Tong school, art & craft technician, loved it but still felt ill.
2009 – Allied healthcare, support worker, great job shit company.
2009 – Airedale hospital, support worker/lean team, absolutely loved it.
2010 – ill, mainly sarcoidosis but the mind also fucked up big time.

So I thought I had finally found a dream job in healthcare through the NHS at Airedale hospital. Worked with older folks and mentally ill folks. I loved it, the improvement side was secondary. My manufacturing background was perfect for them, as was my ‘firm’ stance! Anyway, job went.

2012 – Job through Leeds Remploy, administration/telephone work.

2013 – Body fucked up big time.

2014 – Done.

Another thought, does having so many jobs look stable?

Wrote while all the shit was going on, only after all these years does this really make sense…